So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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