You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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