Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
