and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
