I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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