Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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