brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
