Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
