smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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