So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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