dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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