He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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