the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
