Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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