That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
