the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
