Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
