you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
