you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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