i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
