He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
