i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's never too late to be topless.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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