i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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