hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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