I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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