I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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