my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
