Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
