I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
