I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
