I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
