Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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