Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
