I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
