you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
