My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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