also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
