she smelled like a LAN party
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
