I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
