You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
