I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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