Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
the liver wants what the liver wants
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
