You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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