I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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