my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
