Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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