Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
