Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
