we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
