this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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