Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
