Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
