I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
