She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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