Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
