ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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