I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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