lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
