I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
