Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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