Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
