If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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