About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
