I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
