Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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