and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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