Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
