we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
