I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
