So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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