i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
