i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
