She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
