new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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