ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
