My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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