Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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