I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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